May 14, 2017

+.. Last thing about YOU..+

Because she still loves you.
If she’s giving you a second chance it’s probably because you used your first one up.
It’s probably because you hurt her and broke her heart and made her question herself.
What I can tell you about her is despite the tears and restless nights of sleep, as you consumed her thoughts breaking her down, even more, she still loved you.

She loved you through every fight where it was her walking out in tears and you not following her.
She loved you as she watched you fall out of love with her and she held on for dear life that it wouldn’t end.
She loved you when you pulled the rug out from under her and she was left to pick up the pieces.
She even loved you when you walked away swearing you’d never come back and it was over.

For a while, she didn’t think she’d be okay. She held it together the best she could but she missed you.
But life had a way of moving on. And those nights she used to cry on the bathroom floor got replaced with the habit of missing you.

Because she knows people make mistakes.
She moved on and met new people and even though she was healing she still thought of you. She still compared everyone to you. But she refused to dwell in the past and hang on to a lost love that hurt.

But then one day it hit you. You missed her. And in everyone you met, you looked for her and she couldn’t be found.

Now it was you tossing and turning replaying an ending she must have hated you for.
She didn’t though. That’s the thing about girls like her, even at your worst, even at your meanest, she still loved you for all the good brought to her life. She still accepted you and your shortcoming like they weren’t much to pay attention to.
She still loved you but it was you who didn’t deserve her unconditional love.

Weeks turned into months as you typed and deleted messages, you wanted to send but you were afraid to. Afraid she moved on. Afraid she realized she deserved better. Afraid she didn’t love you anymore.

But then one day you hit send.
And I can tell you what she thought upon seeing your name across the screen. Shock. Utter disbelief. Fear.
She moved on so much she honestly thought you’d never come back. But then there you were after all this time.

Because she follows her heart not her head.
And everyone questioned her as she let you into her life so carelessly.
They didn’t want her getting hurt again. They were the ones who had to clean up the mess you made upon leaving. They were the ones drying her tears. They didn’t want her to get burnt by the same flame twice.
But she didn’t listen. That’s the thing about girls like her, every choice she makes comes from the heart and she follows it no matter how scary it might be.

Cordial conversation and catching up quickly turned into plans.
It was then as she approached you realized how beautiful she was. But more than that, there was something new about this girl who stood before you. There was a strength in her you never knew her to have before. She didn’t bring up the past or question why you were back, she simply accepted you with open arms with that same loving heart you broke.
Conversations flowed easily. She made everything so simple.

Because she lets go of pain.
But behind that strength and beauty was something you couldn’t see that she hid behind her smile. Fear. Doubt. Pain. She didn’t know why you were back but she put on a brave face because she had to, making an effort to forget.
And you realized that girl you thought was so weak for crying as you said goodbye, that girl that texted too often and called you when she was drunk, begging for another chance was anything but desperate. She was the opposite of all those things.
And she sat there looking you in the eyes and it was like she saw right through you.
You realized the only thing that changed about her was that realization she didn’t need you. That girl suddenly learned how to rely on herself and stand on her own two feet.

There’s nothing more beautiful than someone realizing their strength and worth.
You realized you didn’t deserve her but you’d do anything from that moment on to prove you did.
“I love you,” rolled off her tongue rather easily like it used to so long ago.

And you realized you loved her too. But more than that you realized it’s been her, even after all this time.

May 7, 2017

+..Don't let him back..+

Don’t let him back in your life, even though you keep checking his social media to see if he changed his profile picture or updated his relationship status.
Don’t let him back in your life, even though you’ve been daydreaming about what would happen if you did, even though you’ve been writing out texts and deleting them.

Don’t let him back in your life, even though you feel like that song you heard or the fact that you ran into him is a sign that you should talk to him again.
Don’t let him back in your life, even though his name keeps slipping out of your mouth whenever your friends talk about boys. Even though you can’t fall asleep without picturing his face first.

Don’t let him back in your life, even though there aren’t any other guys that you’re interested in, even though he was the last person that made your heart shiver and your breathing heavy.
Don’t let him back in your life, even though he might have changed by now, he might be missing you as much as you miss him. Even though it might be different this time around.

Don’t let him back in your life, even though you’re dying to do it. Even though the temptation is slowly killing you and you’re not sure how much longer you can take it.
Don’t let him back in your life, because he treated you like shit. He didn’t see your value the first and second time around, so why should you give him a third chance? Why should you give him the opportunity to screw you over all over again?

Don’t let him back in your life, because you deserve someone that makes you feel beautiful, not someone that makes you question yourself. You deserve someone that reminds you of your worth, not someone that makes you doubt it.
Don’t let him back in your life, because if he really wanted to be with you, he would do something to make that happen. You wouldn’t be the one reaching out to him. He would text you. Call you. Show up at your front door with roses. He would do anything he could to prove that he cared.

Don’t let him back in your life, because there are a million other boys out there that could make your heart flutter the way he does. Because you’re worthy of overflowing love, not half-love. Because you deserve someone that never leaves your life in the first place.
Don’t let him back in your life, because you can tell that it’s going to end just as brutally the second time around. Because you remember how hard it was to lose him once and you just know that going through the same pain again would drive you insane.
.
.
.
.
So please, don’t let him back in your life, because it’s not where he belongs. Not anymore.
Don’t let him back in your life, because he’s long gone — and it’s time for you to officially move on. 

Apr 4, 2017

+。。不离开。。+

害怕孤單的因子,根深在巨蟹的心底。當巨蟹快樂的時候,可以有一個人分享,當巨蟹難過的時候,可以有一個人靜靜聽他說,當巨蟹胡思亂想的時候,可以有一個人給自己意見和安穩的力量,那是巨蟹認為最幸福的生活。
巨蟹多希望有一個人,能夠一直陪在自己身邊,永遠不會離開。永遠不離開,不是只是口頭的承諾,而是能夠給巨蟹滿滿的安全感,讓巨蟹知道他不會是一個人,可以不用再害怕孤單,巨蟹追求的幸福,是能夠讓自己安穩的力量。
******************
外婆已经离开一个多月了。每次回想起最后一次见她,她看见我那一刻的笑容有多灿烂,眼泪都会不自觉的流下来了… 有好多好多和她的回忆在脑海里浮现。
真的好想念她… 想念向她撒娇的日子、想念她总是准备了很多东西给我们吃、想念帮她按摩的时候、想念握着她的手、想念她为我心疼的脸… …


******************

最近都很忙。这样也好,起码可以暂时不让我想起你…
原来,一句“不离开” 是几乎不可能的。
就算有人说永远守护你,也不要相信。因为,他可以随时转身就走。说好的不离开,也只是随口说说而已。
世界上真正爱你也不会离开你的男人,唯有一个 》爸爸。
知道我和老板同事聚会喝酒,特别叮咛我小心驾驶,还特地等我回家…
知道我加班而在火车站等我,就因为担心我的安危…
明知道从公司到火车站需要将近半个小时,可是爸爸就在我上火车那一刻就出门了,还要在火车站等了二十分钟。
心里又心疼,又感动。
默默的在心里告诉自己,要找一个像爸爸一样的另一半。
哪怕他什么都不说,但最真诚的,就是他的那份陪伴…

Feb 28, 2017

+。。难。。+

当你已经给予你101%的努力来改善所有的一切,然而事情并没有因为你的用心而改善;反而变得更糟糕,那么你剩下的选择,仅仅只是 一 离开。
明白再多的努力也无法改变事实。
明白再多的眼泪也换不回从前。
明白再多的忍让只会得到责怪。

离开吧…

既然已经偏体鳞伤了,又何必再去奢望更好呢??

放过别人,也放过自己吧……

Jan 23, 2017

+.. Things that matter..+

Forget Your Almost Relationship And Find An Always Relationship

You almost dated him. Almost loved him. Almost became the woman that would spend the rest of her life with him.

But almost isn’t enough. You deserve more. So much more.

Don’t settle for someone that picks and chooses when to answer his texts. Someone that only hangs out with you when it’s convenient for him. Someone that makes you believe that you have something real and slowly lets the disappointment sink in.

You shouldn’t be your boyfriend’s entire world — but you should be a huge part of it. You should be tangled up in his life and he should be tangled up in yours.
So search for a person that always answers his phone, whether it’s six in the morning or well after midnight. Find a person that always rearranges his time to fit you into his schedule, even if his week is beyond busy and overflowing with deadlines. 

Find a person that always includes you. Always invites you out with his friends. Always wants you around.

A person that always tells you what’s on his mind. Always cooks enough dinner for two. Always tunes into your favorite radio station. Always holds you close when you’re cold.

A person that always makes you feel missed when you’re not around. Always makes you feel beautiful when your insecurities rise up. Always makes you feel valuable. Always makes you feel wanted. Always makes you feel loved.

Because, that’s the thing, you should always feel loved. You shouldn’t only feel loved when you’re having sex. Or when it’s your birthday. Or when your date night was a success. You should feel loved, even when you’re giving each other the silent treatment. Even when it’s a rough day for your relationship.

He shouldn’t save his love for the good days and punish you on the bad. You should always feel his love. Always.
That’s why you should find someone that shifts his world around to make you a permanent part of his life. Because it’s not real love if you’re disposable. Replaceable. If he could pluck you out of his universe and pick another girl to fulfill your role, to take over your duties without realizing that anything has changed.

In his mind, you should be one of a kind. One in a million. The one. The only one.

You should be the one he always turns to. The one he always dreams about. The one he always thinks about. The one he always wants to be with, through better or worse, through rich or poor, through sunshine or shit.

You should be his always. And he should be yours.